I guess I just get really really afraid when people ask me what happened to you and what happened to us. ‘cause up till now I still don’t know what’s right to reply like do I say “we just stopped talking” or do I say “because he doesn’t love me anymore”.
He doesn’t love you anymore,
Roll your shoulders back
And look him in the eye
Even when it feels like your ribs
Are breaking inward, like spider legs.
When he digs up old aches
That he swore he forgave you for,
And ask him why he didn’t leave you sooner.
Ignore the way the words feel like sandpaper
Running all the way up your throat to your mouth.
When he blames you
For mistakes that wear his face,
Do not scream.
Do not cry.
Tell him that there are boys
Who would be proud to say they’d loved you.
Tell him that in two years
You won’t even remember his name
And don’t let him see the way you can taste your own lie.
When he leaves
Ignore the howling in your blood
And do not get up after him.
Not even to lock the door.
Do not, do not
Smell his shirts when you box them up
To give them back.
Swear off dating when you realize
You’re chasing ghosts that wear his smile.
It’s okay to cry over him.
It’s even okay to forgive him.
But do not go back to him.
If he did not know how to love you the first time,
He won’t know how to do it the next.
Do not kiss your lover
after he’s shattered your soul,
or text him back
when he wants to be friends.
You do not have to do anything
that anyone thinks you should,
and you do not have to pretend that you’re okay
when you’re not,
no one expects you to be.
So do not tell him
that he broke your heart,
and chances are he does not care
and will not care
when you call him
drunk and sobbing,
it will only get you pity
and you never needed that from him.
Do not think
that sleeping with someone else
will make your heart whole again,
it will not.
And no one
is going to swoop in and save you,
so don’t think you can’t eat that whole pint of ice cream
because you’re worried what people will think of you for it.
You were never not good enough for him
so don’t set your standards lower
and don’t hate yourself
a little bit more because of him.